If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
