Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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