she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
