Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
