my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
