My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
