Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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