I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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