i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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