He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
