god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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