i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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