I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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