Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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