His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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