Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
