someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
