Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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