haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
