In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
