There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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