im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
