I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
