i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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