remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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