Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
