Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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