also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize