I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
