if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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