i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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