my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
