You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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