She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
