i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
