She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
