its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
