So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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