Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
