I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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