i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
