What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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