I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
