just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
