Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
