remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
foreskin is a definite game changer
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
