Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
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