Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
