hotel room ftw
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
the day after is always just damage control
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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