just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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