walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize