I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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