She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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