What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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